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16 September, 2008 09:04:56 | in art, culture, lifestyle

It's Time for a Party!

By Larry J. Pittman

Invited to a party? It is not unusual here in Lima to have an active social life. I’m no party animal, but our social calendar does seem to fill up.  I often get invited to parties where I am the only gringo so I have become acutely aware of certain areas of adjustment to the party scene.

Someone once said that the most important thing that we Americans think about is time. In that regard, when we are invited to a party, it is true that the first thing we ask is “what time should we come?”


Here, when I ask that question of a Peruvian, there is always a pause to consider the matter. It is a difficult question for them to answer and not the one that is in the front of their minds, I believe. Some will say “the party starts at 8:00 PM.”  Well, the first time you might show up exactly at eight to find that the lady is in curlers and the host is in his undershirt. Most people will arrive at 10:00 PM, but the party will really get going about midnight.

This has puzzled me since I don’t really know when I should arrive, and this is important to me. Then I recently had an epiphany.

I once asked a Peruvian friend, what time I should come to the party he was giving, and he looked at me for a while and said, “whenever you want.” After consideration of this remark, the light bulb went on.  This is the key. And now, I believe that after all these years, I’ve finally got it right.

It is not the time of arrival that is important. It is when you want to come. If you arrive at 8:00PM, you are welcome and will be treated as a guest. That applies equally if you arrive at 2:00AM.

The same principal applies to the end of the party. You can stay as long as you want. Of course, if you leave early, as we often do, the host/hostess may feel that you are not having a good time and may show disappointment or even dismay. This is because they believe that when people are having a good time, they will stay longer. So the party may go on until 5:00 AM or later. As long as people are having a good time, let’s party and enjoy ourselves.

Obviously this is an area of cultural conflict. When Americans are told that the party starts at 8:00PM, they will probably arrive somewhere around that time, even if it is not very convenient. On the other hand, Peruvians will come when it is convenient for them.

I recently heard a story that illustrates this point of conflict well. An American resident in Lima, recently arrived, decided to invite his landlord and wife (Peruvian) to dinner. They told the invitees to come around 7:30. On the day of the dinner, 7:30 passes and no one arrives. After waiting most of the evening, the puzzled host and hostess retire for the night. At 12:30 in the morning, their guests arrive, banging on the door to get in.

So my advice to you: “Go and party. Forget the time.”

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13 Comments

# diana says :
17 September, 2008 [ 02:28 ]
very very funny but is tru, let's party and forget the time.
# Hector says :
17 September, 2008 [ 02:49 ]
is so true!!!
# Ed says :
17 September, 2008 [ 03:04 ]
Timely article; my very gringo brother in law will be visiting Lima next week, and I've been trying to explain to him some of our social customs. It is not at all a matter of being late, but rather a matter of everyone understanding the rules of the game! At the end, it is all about having a good time regardless of how late (or early) it is. After living in the US for over 25 years, I now get together with friends for cocktails before attending any party when in Lima. This guarantees that I will not be the first one to show up!
# Wolfgang Glüschke says :
18 September, 2008 [ 07:23 ]
Dear Larry,

I have seen other articles by you. This time I have a solution though you may not be prepared to agree with me.

You appear to be married guessing from some words of the text, but probably not to a Peruvian like I. My wife needs exceptionally long time (1-2 hours) for her "preparations" before leaving home. This assures that we will (almost) always be late (last or so) at arriving  - no pro-blem with the time (too early arrival).

Unfortunately, she also insists, to compensate for these late arrivals, on staying late - we are usually the last to leave, at times at the early hours of the next day. This I hate - believe me, I am German. But I cannot convince her to arrive or leave at a more decent time.

My proposal for a solution for you: get a Peruvian wife (if you don't have one yet).

Wolfgang


# Wasatch says :
18 September, 2008 [ 08:25 ]
It is known,world-wide,that when invited to any activity,"the Peruvian time"of arrival,for the most part,is 2hrs.'LATER'....which presents a bit of difficulty tor the organizer,when to allow the bar tender and/or the waiter to show up.And,when there is food involved...when do they start cooking.As a guest,i wouldn't like to get there too late when the food is gone or already...cold.
When to arrive and when to leave...? Should really be considered as how you would like YOUR OWN PARTY to go down.(How much can you eat,drink,dance,chat???)...as a rule,when the bar is dry...it's time to go!
# Carolina says :
18 September, 2008 [ 09:00 ]
I agree with all of you: we take our time to get ready, Peruvian time to a party is 2 hours later, and so on. However, I notice that people are becoming more punctual! When it is a sit-down dinner they tend to tell us to arrive at "x time, please, as dinner will be served". And most Peruvians know that when a foreigner invites you to a party, you shouldn't be late! Don't hope for too much... they'll still be an hour late or so!!! When you do the inviting, just be honest. Otherwise you'll end up with a mess. This is a true story about a dinner party: the Peruvian guests were told to come 2 hours earlier to a dinner and the German guests were told the real time. The Peruvians were right on time because they knew that Germans are very punctual. And the Germans were 2 hours late because they thought the Peruvians would be late!!! So there was a 4 hour gap between guests!
# Sofia Salinas says :
18 September, 2008 [ 10:51 ]

I am a peruvian living in Greece and I enjoyed reading all your comments.
Lucky you guys that you can enjoy life in my homecountry and thank you for being tolerant with us.

# Carla says :
19 September, 2008 [ 07:37 ]
I honestly think we (peruvians) need to start changing our bad habits. It has been very hard for me, but I am getting used to being on time. I am still late for my husband (a gringo that loves to party like a peruvian, except that he likes to arrive on time).
If we start to change those bad habits, like showing up at whatever time, I think a lot more things will start to be more organized too. How can we expect the new generations to be better if we do not teach them to be on time. Being punctual is a necessity for formal settings, work, meetings, etc. Don't get me wrong, when I am in Lima, I get used to "peruvian time" very easily. However, in ur family, we are trying to start on time any lunch, dinner, or celebration. Whoever does not show up on time, may have missed a lot. Sorry!
# Paul Chastain says :
6 October, 2008 [ 09:14 ]
Hey - I appreciated reading your comments and wonder if I could ask for a little advice. 

I'm a 56 - worked in corporate America for 30 years - and have been a 4th grade teacher for the last 5 years.  I want to become fluent in Spanish and am thinking of moving to Peru for a couple of years, probably teach English to support myself.  Right now I speak no more Spanish than I remember from high school.

Any suggestions on the best way to make this happen (or if it's really doable if i speak no Spanish now).  Would Peru be a good place to go.
Have y'all seen others on this same path - and what worked or didn't work for them?

Thanks for your comments. - Paul
# Carla says :
7 October, 2008 [ 07:33 ]
Your idea of going to Peru in order to learn Spanish sounds great. The only thing would be to find the job. Peru and Colombia are the two countries were "I" think people speak the best "castellano". My husband learn Spanish in Mexico and he has learned way more since leaving with me but his knowledge from the school he assisted in Mexico was and is a terrific value.
Lima, particularly, can be expensive depending on what you want to do and the style of life you want to have. If I were you, I would give it a shot! Nothing to loose and a lot to learn and experience.
# Wasatch says :
12 October, 2008 [ 02:51 ]
Hi there, Paul ! Perhaps the US embassy/consulate can refer you to some Peruvian-American centers where spanish/english relocations are part of their services.
Notice thou,there are many peruvians that speak english everywhere in Lima and the provinces.
In the worse case scenerio,it will take you 6-9 months to get the hang of the language.That's how long it took me to adventure on my own after arriving in the US where nobody spoke spanish in New England 37 yrs. ago !! (Reading the paper and watching t.v. helped.You'll get used of the 'sound' and spelling of words that way).
 Buena suerte !
# America Cisneros-Pina says :
13 October, 2008 [ 03:37 ]
When in Lima it's very hard for me to be "Peruvian" when it comes to time... I don't understand why we cannot start a party at 8 p.m. like in "the good old days".
When I was in high school and my late teens, parties started at 8 and ended at 2 or 3 in the morning, so we had more party hours, right?
If we are talking about a sit-down dinner, please, pretty please, serve dinner on time, don't punish those who arrive on time.
If the party is "just a party" it's O.K. to get there whenever and leave whenever but a dinner...
And don't get me wrong, I'm not square or rigid... I am diabetic and I'll faint without food...
# yersin says :
27 October, 2008 [ 09:43 ]
Taken from a booklet made for visitors to Peru (Limeño, what makes him tick, by Paul Clark N.):

"You adore the clock yet you seem to hate it! Rather than being a slave to time, we (Peruvians) make it our servant"

"We (Peruvians) now punch the clock when we go to work or we will do with less at the end of the month. But as for meals, church services, social engagements, we will not surrender them to the factory clock."

I hope these quotes help you deal with Peru time.

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